The TTAB Blues

It was glacially slow at the Office over the end-of-year holiday, and so I had some time to spare. I tried to watch the movie Ishtar on HBO, but it was so bad that I stopped after 15 minutes and deleted it from my TiVo brand recording machine. However, I figured that even I could write better songs than the ones Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty performed. Which led to the 12-bar blues song that I penned below. I haven't written the music yet (my older son says, "don't bother"), but just think of a song like "So Glad Your Mine," recorded by Elvis Presley in 1954, and written by Arthur "Big Boy" Crudup.

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The TTAB Surname Blues

Filed my application
based on fifty years of use.
Never even dawned on me
the thing could be refused.
But now I feel diluted,
and actually confused.
They won't accept my surname.
I got the TTAB Blues.

Filing was so easy
once I found the Internet.
I fell in love with ESTTA,
but much to my regret,
I didn't read the fine print,
I thought you couldn't lose.
cannot get back my money.
I got the TTAB Blues.

The Board got kinda nasty
when they labelled me "pro se."
I hear they won't reconsider
much of anything they say.
So I guess I should forget it,
Although I hate to lose.
Suppose I could appeal it.
I got the TTAB Blues.

One thing I did discover -
I still can use my name.
Without that circled R, though,
it won't look quite the same.
I wish they'd made it citable,
then I could generate some news.
Yah, and hell could freeze over,
I got the TTAB Blues.
Yah, until hell freezes over,
I got the TTAB Blues.

©John L. Welch 2005