Friday, January 14, 2005

The TTAB Blues

It was glacially slow at the Office over the end-of-year holiday, and so I had some time to spare. I tried to watch the movie Ishtar on HBO, but it was so bad that I stopped after 15 minutes and deleted it from my TiVo brand recording machine. However, I figured that even I could write better songs than the ones Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty performed. Which led to the 12-bar blues song that I penned below. I haven't written the music yet (my older son says, "don't bother"), but just think of a song like "So Glad Your Mine," recorded by Elvis Presley in 1954, and written by Arthur "Big Boy" Crudup.


The TTAB Surname Blues

Filed my application
based on fifty years of use.
Never even dawned on me
the thing could be refused.
But now I feel diluted,
and actually confused.
They won't accept my surname.
I got the TTAB Blues.

Filing was so easy
once I found the Internet.
I fell in love with ESTTA,
but much to my regret,
I didn't read the fine print,
I thought you couldn't lose.
cannot get back my money.
I got the TTAB Blues.

The Board got kinda nasty
when they labelled me "pro se."
I hear they won't reconsider
much of anything they say.
So I guess I should forget it,
Although I hate to lose.
Suppose I could appeal it.
I got the TTAB Blues.

One thing I did discover -
I still can use my name.
Without that circled R, though,
it won't look quite the same.
I wish they'd made it citable,
then I could generate some news.
Yah, and hell could freeze over,
I got the TTAB Blues.
Yah, until hell freezes over,
I got the TTAB Blues.

©John L. Welch 2005


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